I am who I am, and this is why.

It's crazy that the last day of November is here! I have had so much that I have been thankful for over the past month, and I am glad to have started this tradition to help me see all that I am truly blessed with. Tonight the thing that I am thankful for is the most important thing in my life: the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
 It is impossible to separate who I am from my beliefs: I am who I am because of what I believe, and what I believe is who I am. I know that God lives, that He is our loving Father, and has an interest in our lives. Because of His great love He sent His Son to earth, which is the greatest gift any one of us has been given. Because of my Savior Jesus Christ I have reason to hope, reason to live, reason to love. I know that through the suffering, death, and resurrection of the Savior that I will have life eternal. We are not alone and cut off from God while here on earth-He has given us the gift of the Holy Ghost to lead and guide us through life. It is easy to get lost in this life with all of the voices and choices, and at times life can get very dim or even dark, but there is a Light and there is a Way. The Holy Ghost will lead us to that Light and Truth.
 As another evidence of God's love He and His Son appeared to the boy Joseph Smith, who was called to restore the true gospel of Jesus Christ back to the earth. Because of this restoration we have the priesthood (power of God) here on the earth again. Through this priesthood we can be sealed to our families, to be together forever.
 The teachings that I have learned throughout my life have shaped me into the woman I am becoming. The gospel guides my decisions and directions in life. I constantly strive to be better, to be the person my Father wants me to be. The restored gospel gives me guidance as I seek to better myself. As I strive to stay close to my Savior my life is made better. His Word makes me better, and living my life as close to how He lived His life makes me happier.
Some would question my beliefs, and have on many occasions. For me the truth of what I believe can be seen each and every day through answered prayers, tender mercies, family, friends, and the knowledge that I am never alone, even in my darkest moments. I am ever and eternally grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

A Season, Reason, and Forever

When I was younger I thought that I would be best friends with the same people for my entire life. Someone told me once that I would find that the friends I had in high school might not necessarily continue on as my friends beyond that. She said that life would go on and take us in different directions. I did not want to believe that, and I vowed then that I would always have the same friends, no matter what. Since then I have learned that friends come into our lives for a reason, for a season, and that some stay while others go. I am still close to a couple of my friends from high school, but I have extended my circle since then. College was a wonderful experience that blessed me with many wonderful friends, whom I still am close to today. My various jobs, from babysitting to today, have provided me with cherished friendships that I would not have made any other way. I also have many friends that I have made from church.
 I do not say all of this to brag about my extensive list of friends, which actually isn't that extensive. Instead, I mean to express my appreciation for all of my friends. They have all taught me so much about life, and about me. Some of you reading my blog may not know one of my (sometimes) best kept secrets: I am super shy. So shy that if I go somewhere and don't see anyone that I know, I will leave as soon as possible. In fact, if I haven't been noticed, I will leave immediately. But if a friend is there, well that changes everything.
 I am thankful for my friends, and for the way that they are always there for me. I don't feel like I am as good of a friend to them as they are to me, for which I apologize. I honestly have the best friends a girl could ask for. While I know that some friends go in and out of our lives, I also know that some are there forever.

Becoming "Houston"

I have been teaching math to 9th graders since September. Most of you know that math is not my forte. You may also know that teenagers are not my forte, as most of them are taller than I am. Combine those two, and what do you get? A semester full of stress, that's what! I'm supposed to know these math concepts so well that I can break them down into smaller, easier to learn chunks, and teach them to my struggling students. Right. That sounds like a fantastic idea! While we're at it, why don't I just go ahead and take over mission control for NASA. I can handle it!
 The semester hasn't been as horrible as I imagined it would be. The students have been pretty good to me, for the most part. Yes, they are the same height or taller, but I think I've finally got that "adult" look down. As for the math, well, turns out I could've been a wonderful actress! Most of the time I am just pretending that I know exactly what I am doing. Luckily for me, we're working on pre-algebra, not insane Math I. For the most part I understand this stuff. And I've learned a few things along the way. Like the names for parts of an algebraic expression. And how to teach combining like terms 5 different ways (they finally get it!). All in all, it's been a fun experience! I know now that I can handle working with teenagers, though I still prefer younger students. I know now that I can teach math, as long as I prepare myself. I know that I can creatively teach math (did I mention teaching combing like terms 5 different ways?). I know now that I am the confident teacher that I need to be. I am Miss Mair, and I can do hard things, like teach math to 9th graders!
 Now, what I am thankful for: tomorrow morning I have my final observation. The big one, that everything rides on. I hope it goes well! After that I have one more class period, then I give my class back to their teacher. I am going to miss those crazy kids and the way they make me want to pull my hair out. I am going to miss seeing them and learning with them. I am thankful for the experiences I have had with these students. I am also thankful that it is coming to a close. That means I'm one step closer to student teaching. It's right around the corner, and it will be even more hair-pulling than teaching one period of math every other day, but that means that I am one step closer to graduation and getting a grown-up job! Yikes! Hooray!

This is something that I saw that sums up my experience.

Or when I finish teaching my math lesson to 9th graders

Chili Colorado Tuesday

Living in a small town has it's perks, including the fantastic Casa Del Ray Mexican restaurant which generously shares it's delicious aromas with us on a daily basis. A few months ago while at dinner my parents were talking with Steve, the owner, and they asked him if he could use some red chilies. He said sure, so after dinner we came home, grabbed the bag, and took them to him. Steve said that he would use them to make come chili colorado. A couple of weeks later we went for dinner and Steve brought my Dad some chili colorado to try. This took place a couple of more times, and eventually Steve put it on the menu for Tuesday nights. Since then we go to the Casa every Tuesday. I'll get a text from my Dad around dinnertime saying "It's chili colorado Tuesday," meaning that I better get my fannie up the stairs if I want dinner.
 Tonight as we walked in the waitress seated us, and confirmed, not asked, our drink order, which she has down perfectly. It's fun to be a "regular" at a restaurant! While we were eating Steve came by with a camera to take pictures to put up on his wall of pictures. I love that every week Steve comes over to our table to talk to us. He and my parents swap stories about the good ol' days, which were especially good for him and my Mom (they both grew up in Hispanic homes). I love listening to them talk about things their parents did, special dishes they made, and just the simpler life. Steve is always good to ask how I'm doing, and actually listens when I respond. He knows our names and our faces. You don't get that everywhere, but you do get it in a small town.
 My little town where I was born and raised might have its flaws, but it also has is perks and amazing things that the community does. I've lived in the same house for my ENTIRE life. I've moved bedrooms 2.5 times, and you know what, I'm content with that. I can't imagine my life any other way. I love Chili Colorado Tuesdays, and I love living in a small town. This is what I am thankful for today.

The Beauty of the Lights

Tonight I was driving home from school as my car was heating up. Just this morning I had finally pulled my winter coat out, and I was feeling grateful that I had! Still, it was pretty cold in my car. Ever since I got back from the South I can't handle the cold! I used to love winter and the cold, and snow, and everything that comes with it. Now, not so much. My Dad makes fun of me for wearing sweaters in the summer and cuddling with my blanket while the front door is open and the AC and fans are going. As I was driving I was thinking about all of this, and how I wouldn't mind the cold so much if there was something to show for it-like a foot of white fluffy snow. But alas, it's just plain old cold with not even a hint of snow. I was just starting to think about how unpleasant all of this is as I turned into my neighborhood, then I saw something that made my heart jump and smile: Christmas lights. A number of houses in my neighborhood are all aglow in their Christmas splendor, which is something that makes my heart smile. I am a sucker for Christmas lights. I love them on everything! They bring feelings of warmth, laughter, belonging, and love. Mainly, they remind me of my Savior, the reason we celebrate Christmas. He truly is the Light of the World, and the lights on our houses this time of year reminds us of the Light. These lights can be guiding, leading us home and to the things that matter most to us. The Light calls to us out of the darkness and beckons us to come in and be filled. I am so in love with Christmas lights, and I very much love my Light. He is the reason I am found, over and over again. Whenever I lose my way, He is there to guide me back. I am thankful for the reminders that I have of my Savior, and the love that He has for me.

Priesthood

Today I am thankful for the power of the priesthood. My nephew, Cole, was given a name and a blessing at church today by men who hold the holy priesthood. These men can trace their priesthood back to Jesus Christ Himself, not some guy who got a piece of paper saying that he holds the priesthood. The priesthood id a divine gift in my life. I have been the recipient of many blessings in my life, from various priesthood holders. These men have been worthy to act in the office of their priesthood when I needed it. I am thankful for the role that the priesthood plays in my life, and for way it shapes the men in my life into who they truly are-sons of the Most High God. The priesthood is a special gift, but it is one that I don't think about every day. I am grateful for those moments that allow me to step back and see just how encompassing this gift is in my life.

Sam-I-Am

Three years ago today I was in Starkville, MS. It was transfer day in our mission, and I had picked up my new companion, Jessica Mellor, earlier that day. Just as I crawled into bed our phone dinged, and I picked it up to see who was trying to get in touch with us so late at night. I saw a Birmingham number that I immediately recognized, and I anxiously opened the text message to see what it said: "Congratulations! You're an aunt!" I couldn't hep the huge grin that came to my face, and I timidly said, "Sister Mellor...I'm an aunt!" And that is how I found out that my first nephew, Sam, had finally come into the world. I couldn't imagine that day how much one little brown-eyed, blonde-haired boy would change my life.
 I met Sam for the first time about three months later. It was so amazing to see him there, all bundled up in his carseat. Even though he was sleeping Nic took him out of the carseat so that I could hold him. From that moment on my heart was his, and I was wrapped around his finger. We have been best buds ever since. I've been blessed to be able to spend a lot of time at his house and be a part of his life. I'm even almost as good as Mommy, sometimes!
 I love the way Sam calls my name, Nanny, whenever he sees me. He is always so full of love and joy, and will come running from wherever to give you a big hug. Sam has always been very cuddly, and I remember the first kiss he gave me. He was standing on my lap and I had been kissing him. Suddenly he leaned forward and gave me the best open-mouthed, drooly baby kiss ever! I was surprised and laughed, which scared him a little, so I gave him another kiss to let him know it was ok. Since then he has become quite the kisser! He lives to give love, and I love it. Sam is so friendly, and inquisitive. I love when he asks questions. He even tells you, "Nanny, I got a question." I love the way that Sam sings, and makes up his own songs from time to time. Sam loves music in all of its forms, and he likes to play his instruments for you. Sam is also very brave! He loves to feed the chickens with Grandpa, something that used to scare me! Sam is also quite the cuddle-bug. When the boys come to G-ville Sam and I get to share a bed. Who knew that one little boy could take up so much space?! Sam loves to take "one toy" to bed, and he uses the term "toy" very loosely. For a while he used to take this metal Christmas tree with bells for ornaments (which he calls his jingle bells) to bed with us. It was so noisy, but he had to have it right there next to him. I lost track of how many times I've had to quietly pry that jingling tree out of his arms, but I love it! This little quirk had led to some fun times as I've made my bed: I find blocks, trucks, sparlky snowflake ornaments, and other random tidbits that make their way as a "toy." I smile each time I find these random toys!
 My heart forever belongs to this little man, and I am grateful for him everyday of my life. When I've had a bad week the only thing I that gets me through is knowing that on Friday I will get a big Sam hug the moment I walk in the door. Quick story, on Thanksgiving I was giving the boys hugs before they had to leave. When I hugged Sam he said, "I see you on Friday!" He knows that Friday is the day Nanny comes to stay for the weekend. Thank you, Sam, for being the first little boy to make me a Nanny!

Our first meeting

Bama Gear!

St. George Temple '11

We be stylin'!

Front-yard Picasso

I love his face!

Jason and Felicia's Wedding

"Nan, you keep me warm and safe and sound?" This is what he said when I got him out of the bath tonight.

Today is Sam turned the big 3!

Marko-Polo

(Nov. 23)
Fifteen months ago today a blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy came into my life. I remember waiting at my sister's house with Sam, anxious to hear the news of the newest arrival in our family. Finally, in the evening, the news came that he was here. Sam and I jumped in the car and headed to the hospital. I remember how nervous I was to meet him! This was my first experience meeting a newborn in my family (I was on my mission when Sam was born) and I wanted to make a good impression on this new little guy. The first time I held him, he stole my heart. Sweet little Mark Emmitt Clay came into my life and into my heart.
 A post about my Marko-Polo has to include what he has taught me, which includes talking about some things that are still hard to talk about over a year later. A few days after Mark came home from the hospital he started having seizures and ended up at Primary Children's Hospital. The fear that entered my heart that Sunday afternoon when my Mom woke me up to tell me that he had been taken to the hospital was paralyzing. Somehow I managed to keep it together enough to drive into the hospital with my parents. Waiting there and not knowing what was going on was so hard. I've never prayed so much in my life as I did in those hours, and days that followed. We learned that Mark had bleeding in the ventricles in his brain, which was causing him to have seizures. It took a few days for the doctors to get the seizures under control, and all-in-all Mark ended up staying at the hospital for 13 days. This was a crazy time in our lives. Early on we didn't know what was going to happen, or if Mark would make it. That is really hard to say. It was really scary. For what seemed like forever, we weren't even allowed to touch him, let alone hold him. Mark is strong, and between his strong willpower to live and the expert medical attention, he made it through.
 Just a couple of months later we found out that as a result of Mark's bleeding that he would need to get a shunt (a device that drains excess fluid from his brain to his abdomen) because the swelling wasn't going down on it's own. Still, Mark was so strong! The doctor told my sister that the head scan and the happy, smiling baby in front of him didn't exactly add up because that much pressure should have been making him pretty miserable. Mark had his surgery, and came out of it just as happy. Since then he has continued to be our happy boy. Unless you happen to run your hand over his head and feel the bump, you would never know that Mark had gone through all of this.
I mention all of this because of what it taught me: faith, the power of prayer, trust, and love. All of these things were increased in my life as a result of "Miracle Mark" and his teaching experience for all of us. I love Mark more than words can express. I loved his beach-bum blonde curls (until they got cut off), his deep blue eyes, his Chunky-Monkey days, his Mater-tooth smile, his sweet laugh, his love for clapping, his speed crawling, his humming when he reads, his willingness to share his food, his mischievous looks, and his hugs. Mark gives excellent hugs, and they are completely his own style. When Mark wants to give you love he'll place his head on your shoulder, face out, and pat your arm a couple of times. He'll lift his head up, look at you, then do it again, and repeat until he feels that there has been enough hugging. I live for those hugs! He says "Nan Nan" on occasion, and gets the biggest smile on his face when he sees me. I am thankful for the opportunity to be his Nanny, and to continually learn from him. I love my Marko-Polo!

Our First Meeting

You got the camera out again. Great.

Like my guns?

The Look

Smilin for the ladies

Birthday party!

What are those things flying over our heads?

This is the mischievous look

My List

(Thanksgiving Day)

Today I am thankful for the Thanksgiving Holiday itself. What a great opportunity we have each year to really concentrate our thanks, and pause to remember what exactly it is that we're thankful for. For me, at this time of year with the big push to give thanks, I start to feel like I am ungrateful the rest of the year. That just isn't true. Though not perfect, I try to be a grateful person all year long. I am one truly blessed girl, I know that. For me, Thanksgiving is an opportunity to focus some of the "smaller" blessings that I have been given, along with the "big."
On this Thanksgiving Day, here is a small list of what I am thankful for:
Dad
Mom
Jolene
Jason
Nic
Felicia
Sam
Mark
Cole
Baby Mair
Tinkerbelle
Sanders
Ruger
Molly
Gus
Cocoa
Stubby
Chickens
Faux-fireplaces
Warm beds
long weekends
WONDERFUL friends-too many to list, but they play such a HUGE role in my life!
School
Work
Milk
Teaching experiences
Socks
Sweaters
Journals
Scriptures
Scripture Study Journals
My testimony of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ
My mission and all of the memories
Music
Modern Technology
Max, my car
Friendly people
My home
Washers and dryers
And the list goes on...

At work various classes have been learning about the first Thanksgiving, and the history of Thanksgiving in our country. I am proud to live in a country that has decided to set aside a day to just say "thanks" and acknowledge what we have. My biggest thanks goes to my Father in Heaven. Without Him, there would be nothing to give thanks for. I know that He is the Source of all that I have and all that I am blessed with. Because of Him my heart has reason to rejoice and give thanks all year round.

Black Wednesday

I did some black Wednesday shopping tonight. I wasn't looking for good deals, just a good present. Did you know that it is next to impossible to find dress clothes for little boys? That's another story for another day, so back to the purpose of this post. It can be discouraging when you go to store after store, and none of them have what you're looking for. You finally settle on something to buy, and the cashier barely  makes eye contact with you, and the only words spoken are your total. True, I don't know what reasons she had for being unfriendly, so I won't hold it against her. But there was one cashier who did her best to be friendly: the cashier at Target. She initiated a conversation, and commiserated with me over the fact that you can't find dress clothes for little boys. She was so friendly and nice. I realize it's Thanksgiving Eve and she, like the other cashier, had places that she would rather be, but she did her best to make the place where she was the place she wanted to be, and it made for a better experience for me, and probably for other customers as well. Tonight I am thankful for the nice Target cashier, and for nice people all over. You know the ones: those who smile at you like you're BFF, but you've never seen them before, those who initiate conversations in random public places, the stranger who holds a door for you or picks up something you dropped, and a million other small things that happy people do that make the world a better place. I don't do it all the time, but I try to be one of those random happy people. It's fun to see the random reactions you get from people who weren't expecting happy. I love it! Thank you to the happy people of the world for giving us all something to smile about!

Sister Dates

Today I am thankful for my sister in law, Felicia. She and Jason started dating while I was on my mission, so in the airport when I got home was the first time I met her. I wasn't sure what to say to her, so I just gave her a big hug. She has been one of my best friends ever since. We like to go on "sister dates" where we generally eat pizza and do something fun: try new candy stores, bake, watch movies...it's always a good time! I love that she has so willingly accepted me as a sister and friend. I love when she and Jason come over to the house and I get to spend time with her. Felicia is such a fun person to be around. We love some of the same movies and music. I know that she genuinely cares about me, which I really appreciate. I am very lucky that my brother chose to make her my sister forever! I'm also very excited that in the spring she'll be making me a Nanny, again! Hooray for babies!

The Boy With Many Names

Today I am thankful for my "little" brother, JD, Jason, J, Ja-Son... He has grown into a man over the past couple of years, right under my eyes. He is such a good example to me of hard work. We might tease him about his crazy antics as a teenager, but now he works hard to provide for his family. I love that about him-that he's not afraid of hard work, whether it's to earn money, or in service to his church. I also love that he makes me laugh. He is someone who listens when I need to talk, and gives good advice. I recently realized that he is one of the "men" in my life, someone I call when I need manly advice: like where to buy a battery, and other car related things. One of my favorite things about my brother is the woman he brought into our family, Felicia, and the little lady who will soon be joining us in the spring. I am one lucky girl to have such a wonderful brother! He may be taller than me, but he'll always be my little brother!

A Brief History

This might sound a little redundant, but some of you might be new to my blog, so you get to hear it. I am thankful to be an aunt, or better yet, a Nanny.
 A brief history: When my sister and her husband had been married about a year they got a dog named Gimli. Gimli was a Bull Mastiff who stole our hearts from the beginning. For a long time Gimli was their boy, and as such needed to be watched from time to time when Jolene and Nic were out of town. This is how I became the dog-Nanny. Gimli knew that his Nanny Manda was always there to take care of him when mom and dad were away. I was jokingly referred to as the Nanny, and it stuck. Fast forward a few years to when Jolene and Nic had their first baby, Sam. I was on my mission when he was born, but that Christmas he sent me a tote bag that had a picture of him wearing a onesie with a tie on it, next to some scriptures. The caption read "I hope they call me on a mission...so I can be cool like Nanny Manda!" When I finally met Sam in person a few weeks later a bond was forged, and the dog-nanny became the Nanny. Since then I have been there to take care of my boys!
 When I fist came home from my mission I spent as much time at my sister's house as I did at my own. Whenever Jolene even thought she might need a babysitter, I was there! Including the time when she got the stomach flu and needed someone to take care of Sam. I packed up my bags and headed in, ready to take care of my little man while his parents were sick. We had a fun couple of days, and Jolene got better just in time for Nic's graduation. Perfect timing! We all got up and were getting ready for the day when it happened-I came down with the stomach flu. Haha it was a little crazy, but it was fun. As Sam got older I got to be a big part of his life, and I think that "Nan" may have made the first-ten word list!
 Over this past summer I had the chance to spend most of my week at my sister's house. I was worried that Mark didn't know me as well as Sam, so I set about to fix that! I loved getting to be with Sam and Mark all day! We became even better friends, and I feel like Mark knows me as well as Sam now.
 I love walking into my sister's house now: Sam comes running from wherever he is, yelling "Nanny!" and gives me a giant hug. Before Mark was mobile he would sit and clap his hands when he saw me, and want me to pick him up for a hug. Now that he's moving around he crawls as fast as he can to me to get that hug. Being a Nanny is the best! Cole is too little to get too excited when I get to his house, but he'll catch on soon! There's a little girl coming to our family in March, and I am super excited to introduce her to the world of the Nanny as well.
 I LOVE being a Nanny! There is nothing better in the world! Today that is what I am thankful for-being Nanny, aka the cool aunt!

Proud Sponsor

Today I am thankful for Disney. Disney movies really have a way of reaching into your heart and soul, and playing out what is there on the inside. These movies often inspire you to reach higher, dream bigger, and keep going. They also make for some good laughs and feel good moments. I love that I can get so wrapped up in a Disney movie and just be the little-kid version of myself. Tonight I found myself laughing out loud and just relaxing as we watched "Brave" for the first time. Afterwards we were joking around, and for the first time in a long time, I laughed until the tears were pouring down my cheeks. Life if made up of these moments, and I am glad that Disney is a proud sponsor of happiness to the young and old! This might be a bit cheesy, but it is what has touched my heart today.

The Miracle of the Healed Knee

I love my Mom. She cracks me up all the time, and over the most random things. Though it drives me bonkers at times, I love the way she has an alternate version to just about everything that takes place in our family. She makes me laugh all the time. Like tonight she went to do something and twisted her knee weird and was rolling around saying that she had popped it out of place. This was just after I had accused her of being an undercover underwear stealer. I reminded her that crime never pays and this was her punishment for being a thief. I said this as I was bending next to her to pick something up. Miraculously her knee was healed and used to kick me in the fanny! She's always doing something to make me laugh. I love the way she looks out for me and takes care of me. I am one spoiled girl to have her as a Mom! We hardly see each other any more, even though we live in the same house, but it's nice to know that when we do bump into each other it will be a fun interaction!

Vivi-n-I

Back in January of 2011 I began my trek along the path towards a degree in Special Education. That semester I met one of the members of my cohort group, Vivian. We had one class together, and it was just the two of us at our site. We talked here and there, but didn't really get very close. Over the next few semesters we got to know each other better and better, and we've become really good friends. Vivian is the one who (tries) to keep me on top of things. She is the type of person to get assignments done way before the due date. I'm the type to slip them in 5 minutes before they are due. Our approach to learning and studying are different, but in our differences we've found strengths. On Monday we got an "in-class" assignment to rewrite a science chapter. It looked like this really big process, but at least it was a group project. After class Vivian suggested that we work on it sometime this week. The only night we were both available was tonight. So right after school we headed over to the extension and began working. Originally I told Vivian that we could work on the assignment until 9:00, then I was going to be done. Vivian told me that we would work on it until it was done. I'll admit that a few angry stares went her way today, but I did my best to do my part. After we ate dinner the mood changed a little, and Vivian said something along the lines that she was glad I ate because now I was more pleasant to be around. My response: "I love that we are close enough that you can say that to me, and I totally agree!" In the end, I didn't go home at 9, I stayed for the duration, which was almost 10:30! But, we got the assignment done! It is no longer looming over our heads! Hooray! I am thankful for Vivian and her willingness to push me. She has helped me to reach new heights, and though I'm still a procrastinator when it comes to homework, I try harder not to be. I am thankful for the way Vivian listens, the way she loves, the way she works so hard, the great example she is to me, and I am thankful for the wonderful teacher that she is. I have learned so much from her over the past two years! We really are like sisters. In January our paths will go separate ways as I begin student teaching and she finishes up her last semester for her El. Ed degree (she's doing a dual major). I don't know if I've told her this, but I am scared to death of doing this without her! She is my rock and my sounding board. She keeps me sane when the professors do their best to make me crazy. She is such a great sounding board. I will be lost without her.
Vivian, I love you! I am so glad that the Lord had our paths cross! My life wouldn't be the same without you in it!

*Quick note about the title: I'm a lazy Utahn who doesn't properly pronounce words. When I am talking about Vivian and I doing things together, it generally comes out "Vivi-n-I." Kinda like Brangelena. We just go together so well! :)

Lost and Found

This semester and new school year have been particularly draining for me. I'm feeling burned out from everything, and it has made an impact on the deep-inside me. I L-O-V-E LOVE Christmas music! Normally I am among the first to pull it out and start listening to it insanely early, but not this year. When I hear the first station begin playing Christmas music on Nov.1 I was really annoyed and considered deleting it from my preset. Then another station started playing it a few days later. People on facebook were talking about listening to Christmas music and watching Christmas music. It snowed and I was annoyed that winter was here. I had tons of Christmas music waiting for me to add to my iphone, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. During all of this time I spent annoyed I realized that I am the problem. I decided that in an effort to bring some Christmas cheer into my life I would go ahead and put the music on my phone. The next morning as I was driving to work I began listening to my first Christmas tunes of the season. One was a song from "The Forgotten Carols" soundtrack called "Three Kings Found the Lord." Here is what I heard:
"Somewhere beneath the glitter
That comes this time of winter
In many souls there is a cry
They may not clearly say it
But in their hearts they pray it
And you can see it in their eyes

'I cannot find my way
I cannot find my way
I cannot find my way at all
There are so many voices
So many different choices,
I cannot find my way at all.'"

As I listened to these words I realized that I am one of those souls, inwardly crying out and trying to find my way. I really haven't been myself, and I miss me. I know that sounds strange, but that's where I am. Needless to say, as I listened to this song I found myself shedding tears. In the midst of this I found a piece of myself, the piece that loves Christmas music, and I finally remembered why. Christmas is a holiday that brings hope. The hymns and carols that we sing during this season remind us of that hope. Christ came to the earth to help us find our way, and because of that we have reason to rejoice and hope. I love Christmas music because it speaks to my soul. Even the some of the fun Santa-themed songs have references to the Christ child (at least the old ones, which if we admit, are the best!) which is our focus. I find it so poignant that we celebrate Christmas in the winter. Fall and Winter have a way of weighing people down, but in the midst of it all we have a holiday of hope. We have a big reminder of what life really is all about. This is why I LOVE Christmas music! Today I am so thankful for Christmas music and the reminder that it gives me of my Savior, and for the way that it found me this week.
The rest of the lyrics go with my journey perfectly, so I will share them with you.

"There were three kings
Who followed the star
Of Bethlehem
They came from afar
To praise and honor Him
His light
which beckoned them to see
The Lord of Man
It calls to you,
It calls to me

'We cannot find our way
We cannot find our way
We cannot find our way at all
There are so many voices
So many different choices,
We cannot find our way at all.'

We're not alone,
We have a star
And it shines today
The love that He gave
Teaches how
And shows the way
That light,
it's clear to see
If we have faith and believe
Three kings found the Lord
And so can we.

'We cannot find our way
We cannot find our way
We cannot find our way at all'
Three kings found the Lord
And so can we
There are so many voices
So many different choices,
We cannot find our way at all.'
Three kings found the Lord
And so can we

And if you've lost your way,
That light burns bright today
And it will shine eternally
Three kings found the Lord
And so can we

'We cannot find our way
We cannot find our way
We cannot find our way at all'
Three kings found the Lord
And so can we
There are so many choices
So many different voices,
We cannot find our way at all.'
Three kings found the Lord

'Lord help us find the way
We need to find the way
Lord help us find the way back home'
Three kings found the Lord
And so can we
'Lord help us find the way
We need to find the way
Lord help us find the way back home'
Three kings found the Lord
And so can we
'Lord help us find the way
We need to find the way
Lord help us find the way back home
Lord help us find the way
We need to find the way
Lord help us find the way back home'
And so must we!"

I am so thankful for Christmas music and that it found me.

Baby Punkin-Boo

I am a horrible Nanny! Yesterday was Cole's one-month birthday, and I didn't even mention it. Anywhere. So today my post is dedicated to you, Baby Punkin-Boo! I really am thankful for my newest nephew, Cole. As I mentioned, he's only been here for a month, but in that month he's made a big impression! It's so fun to see the way his brothers interact with him. Sam loves him to pieces and is always looking out for him. Mark, on the other hand, isn't quite sure about this little guy. This past weekend I got some good snuggle time in with Cole, which I loved. I just held him while he slept, rocked him when he woke up, made sure he was wrapped up nice and snug, and when he was really awake we got to just stare at each other. He is so sweet. It's going to be so fun to see his little personality take shape! I am thankful for the ways that he already has made me laugh, traumatic as they might be. (I've heard people talk about changing diapers at the speed of light to avoid getting peed on, but no one ever told me about the other possibility...) This might be a short post, but I'll make up for it with pics!

Can you hear me now?

Last night I watched in slow motion as my cell phone dived into the bowl of water I was soaking my foot in. I grabbed it out as quickly as I could, did the best phone-first aid that I knew, doing just about everything wrong that you can think of, then I put it in a bowl of rice and waited. This morning my suspicions were confirmed-between the water and my attempts to save my phone, it was dead. Being separated from my phone for a day wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but I was glad when I was finally able to get to the retailer and get a new phone. When I walked in they told me that I was eligible for an upgrade: a small activation fee of $18 dollars would allow me to purchase a phone similar to the ones in my nephews' toy box for only an additional $10. This was more than I had planned on paying-it's been so long since I got a new phone that I thought upgrades were free. Silly me! Looking at being unemployed very soon I am very conscious of where my money goes, and this wasn't where I had planned on putting any money-even $28. One of the guys looked at my account and said "Wait, you're eligible for the special promotion." As it turns out, for this month there is a special promotion that if you qualify for, will give you a decent phone for free, and no activation fee. So I went from looking at $28 to nothing. I was a little hesitant about getting the phone-it's the same kind my Dad has, and it hasn't been a good phone. The salesperson assured me that this is a newer version and bug-free, so with some hesitation I agreed to this option. As I got into my car with my new working phone, with all of my contacts (I was so worried that I had lost them) and no money out of my pocket, I realized how truly blessed I am. Just this morning I had prayed and asked Heavenly Father to help me feel His love in my life. If this isn't an example of His love and tender mercies, I don't know what is. My loving Father was looking out for me and knew what I needed more than I did. I am so grateful for His love and presence in my life. So today I am thankful for answered prayers and all of the variety of ways those prayers are answered. In answer to the over-used cell phone phrase, yes Father, I can hear you now.

My Vietnam Veteran

Today I am thankful for my Dad, for about a million reasons. I chose to write about him today because one of the reasons I am thankful for him is for his service in the United States Army. My Dad joined the Army when it wasn't popular, went to war and risked his life, and came home to a nation who did not respect or support him. My Dad has shared stories with us from this time-including stories about being spit on and called foul names, all because he chose to serve his country. All of this could have made my Dad a bitter, angry person, with no respect for his country. But he isn't. My Dad is the most patriotic person that I know. From the time I was very little he has taught me to respect and honor my country, our flag, and our freedoms. I have such a great respect for my Dad and his service in the Army, and for all that he has taught me..
Each year on Independence Day, our community has a flag raising ceremony, and each year they honor veterans from different eras. This past summer my Dad finally got the respect and honor he deserves for being willing to serve his country as the community honored him and the other Vietnam veterans. Stories similar to my Dad's were shared, but the best part was when the community stood and applauded our Vietnam vets, and then all of the veterans in the audience. Tears streamed down my face as I saw my Dad and the other veterans being recognized for their service and sacrifice. It was a day I will never forget.

This is only one reason why I am thankful for my Dad. Like I said, I have at least a million, she here's the short list: my Dad is my confidant, my strength, my comfort, the one who will always listen, my cheerleader, my example of Christlike love, my example of service. He is the one who can get me to smile when I'm having a bad day (it's a risky endeavor, but he's willing to try!). I am a Daddy's girl through and through, and I am proud of it. There is so much to say, but I think I will stop with these last thoughts.:
Dad-I love you, and thank you for all that you are, and all that you have taught me. I am one lucky girl to have you as my father.

A Weekend Get-Away

I am thankful for the weekend get-away that I get to take every weekend. Since the beginning of October I've been spending the weekend at my sister's house to help out with the boys. It makes me smile because it's the reverse of what I used to do-spend the week at her house and go home on the weekends. Either way, it means getting to spend time with my boys and their parents. I get about an hour more sleep than I do during the week, and my alarm is much cuter and easier to wake up to. :) I love spending time with each of the boys, and I especially enjoy the time I get to spend just talking to my sister. It's nice to be able to come here, away from the cares of my weekday life, and just relax. Or at least focus on something different. I love being "Nanny," and couldn't imagine a better way to spend my weekend. I am one spoiled Nanny, that's for sure!

Warmth

Today I am thankful for warmth. We got some pretty good snow today, especially where I work. My feet got wet and cold early on in the day, and they pretty much stayed that way the rest of the day. Finally, I have on a nice pair of socks, in a warm house, curled up in a blankie. Life is good. I am so thankful for the warmth in my life: the physical warmth that my home provides, the emotional warmth that my family and friends provide, and they warmth that the gospel of Jesus Christ provides. I am blessed to not have to be cold, at least not for very long. There are always things to warm me up: socks, hugs and kisses from the three most adorable boys in the world, and a sure knowledge that God loves me no matter what. Yes, today I am thankful for warmth.

The Best Medicine

I am thankful for those moments in life that just make you chuckle, chortle, giggle, fracture, bust up, roar, snort, roll on the floor...and just plain old flat-out laugh. Life is meant to be taken with a good dose of laughter. Here are a few of the moments that have made me *laugh* (insert favorite synonym here) over the past week or so:
*"He doesn't bite! That man doesn't bite!" (said by a 3-4 yr old about my Dad)
* "You sure 'bout that, Nan?" (said by Sam as I told him to sit down and eat breakfast)
*"Just so you know, the slated spoon in the..." Not sure if I'm allowed to finish that sentence, but I got a very good chortle out of it!
*Cannon-Cole (it was a horrible and funny experience)
*Pulling a Drew Barrymore from "Never Been Kissed" and falling UP the stairs at the high school-on my way to teach my 9th graders
*Mark's drunkard approach to the sippy cups he found on the floor
*And my favorite from today: a man wearing a headlamp equipped with magnifying glasses smelling my foot. The best part-I paid him to do it! Hahahahaha! (after watching him I had to seriously ask myself who in their right mind would willingly go into a profession where smelling people's feet was an everyday routine?!)

I can see clearly now...

Too bad today isn't a "T" day, because I could've come up with a good slogan! But alas, I must settle for just telling you that there are two things that I am thankful for today.
One: I am thankful for the gift of sight, and for modern technology that can correct my sight. I've been wearing glasses since I was in 4th grade. In 9th grade I finally got to make the switch to contacts. I am so grateful for these things that allow me to function in my everyday life. Today I went in for my yearly eye exam. I have been noticing lately that my eyes feel tired, and that I can't seem to focus as quickly as I would like, but other than that I felt like I could see pretty well. The Doc checked everything out and made some adjustments to my prescription. I got home and put in my new contacts and was amazed by the clarity of the world around me. I had been living in a haze of sorts, with the world slightly blurred around me. The thing is, I didn't realize how hazy things were. Now I can see much more clearly, and the haze is gone. It's a miracle what those little adjustments can make. If it weren't so late I would go into a spiritual analogy here, but since it is late, I'll let you come up with your own.
Two: I am thankful that God knows exactly who to send into my life when I need them. Tonight I got to spend some time with my friend Kim. KP is one amazing woman! She has been a stronghold in my life since we were roomies at CEU. KP is someone who willingly points out your strengths when you might not see them, and is fiercely loyal. She is an amazing friend who has always been there for me, and is someone I admire. She is stronger than she knows: I know this because I draw strength from her. Spending time with Kim tonight was a lot like getting adjustments made to my prescription, allowing me to see better. Kim is a great listener, and I really appreciated having her listening ear tonight. I talked her poor ears off, but I feel like some of the life-haze has been lifted, and my sight is more clear.
Basically, I am thankful for the removal of the haze in my life.

American

Tonight my THANKS is a no-brainer: I AM THANKFUL TO BE AN AMERICAN! I am thankful to live in such a great country. I am allowed to be the woman I am, doing the things I do, because I live in the United States of America. I am thankful to have had an opportunity to cast my vote today. The election may not have turned out how I would have liked, but that is what this country is about. I am thankful for my freedom. I am thankful to live in a country where I can practice my religion. I am thankful that Mr. Romney had a chance to show the American public that "Mormons" are not the crazies that we are portrayed as.
"And I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free. And I won't forget the men who died and gave that right to me. And I'll gladly stand up and defend her still today. 'Cause there ain't no doubt, I love this land...GOD BLESS THE USA!"

The Home-Stretch

I am thankful for the chance that I have had, and currently have, to continue my education and get a degree in a field of study that interests me. Sometimes school is crazy, and I have a million assignments all due on the same day, and I don't understand everything, but somehow it all comes together and makes me a better person who will be more prepared to face her future as an educator. The road isn't always easy, and there are plenty of bumps along the way, but there are also smooth patches and pleasantries along the way. Along with being thankful for my education, I am especially thankful that it is almost over! I student teach in January-which is INSANE! It will all work out the way the Lord has planned. I trust Him completely. What a ride this whole experience has been, and all in all, I really am thankful for it.

Power Hour

The past few days I have taken a pretty serious approach to my thankfulness. Today I am going to deviate from that just a little, but please note that I am truly thankful for... Sunday naps. It may sound silly, but it's really what I am thankful for today. There is something special about a Sunday nap that sets it aside from napping on other days. Sunday is a special day set aside by the Lord for us to take a break from the world and recharge our spiritual batteries, and rest from our daily cares and worries. All of this contributes to the peacefulness of the Sunday nap. It's the one day when I can take a nap and not worry about what I should be doing instead, or what I need to do next. I can just sleep peacefully. There are weeks when you just need to shut down for a while, and a Sunday naps allows you to do just that. So silly as it might sound, I am thankful for Sunday naps.

A Snapshot

Today I am thankful for my sister, Jolene. There is no one thing that I can name on it's own, so here's a list (not inclusive): I'm thankful for the way she makes me laugh, the way she listens, the way she laughs at me, the way she laughs with me, the way our minds think so much alike, the way our minds think so differently, the way she can understand what I'm saying even if I am sobbing incoherently, the way she makes me stronger, her wisdom, her faith, her confidence in me, her testimony, her kids, her beauty, her willingness to share her clothes with me (sometimes twice in one day...), her passion and devotion to the things that matter most to her, her good example. This is just a snapshot into why I am thankful for Jolene. She is truly my best friend. I am thankful to have her to look up to!

The Nanny Dance

Today I am thankful for my brother in law, Nic. I spend the weekends at my sister's house to help out with the boys. Tonight I made it just in time to put one boy in bed, give another his first bottle, and spend some time with the oldest. Nic was out helping a friend, so I didn't get to see him until later. When he got home he said, "I just did something kinda funny, and I'm not sure if I should tell you two." We got him to spill: he said that when he pulled into the driveway and saw my car he did a happy dance and said "Nanny's here! Nanny's here!" It feels good to feel so loved and appreciated! Later when I went to take my suitcase to my room I couldn't find it anywhere. I finally did find it downstairs, thanks to Nic. I really love my brother in law and the way he looks out for me. I am thankful for the way he makes me feel like part of his family.

Thanks is for Giving

Life moves at such a fast pace! Here we are, the first day of November, officially entering the 'holiday season." Last year I did one post each day of November in an effort to celebrate THANKSgiving. For those of you who don't know, I served my mission in the South. People joke about how I had to learn a new language down there, and it's true. I have a few favorite Southern words and phrases that make my heart smile. One of them is THANKSgiving. Every Southerner that I know emphasized the THANKS in Thanksgiving. That really struck a chord in my heart, and now that is how I hear the word THANKSgiving. I don't say it quite as fluently as a true Southerner, but I try, and most of all, I try to live it. With that said, this post begins my THANKSgiving.

Today's THANKS is a little selfish: I am thankful for who I am, and who I am becoming. Last week my life got really crazy and I was an emotional mess. I was angry, hurt, sad, and all of that other good stuff. During this time I was thinking that I just wanted to be mad for a while, to hold a grudge. But I knew that those things would not make me happy in the long run. In fact, within 2 days I was ready to forgive and move forward. I was still hurt, but I wanted to move on and feel better. Things are still crazy, and from time to time the tempter tries to get me to be angry or negative. It would be so easy to give in, but then I remember that those are not the things that will make me feel better now, or in the long run. As I pushed aside another temptation to be angry today, I found myself saying "Thank you" to the Lord for shaping me into the person that I am becoming. There was a time in my life when giving in to these feelings would have been easy, but I know better now. I am thankful for the experience that have brought me to where I am today. I am thankful to be me, and I am thankful to have had an opportunity to recognize who that really is for myself. I am also thankful for those who really know me, and who I really am. I know that I have a long way to go before I become who the Lord has planned for me to be, but I am working on it little by little.