Day 22
It took me a little thought to come up with what I am thankful for, not because I am feeling unthankful, but because there is so much to choose from. Luckily just as I sat down to write I came up with the perfect topic that covers everything I am thankful for today: I am thankful for my job. Now you're going to get the back story.
After I finished my student teaching I started searching for jobs like crazy. I applied in so many districts for any open elementary special ed positions. I applied for early childhood positions that I was not qualified for, but planned on pursuing that qualifications on the job. I emailed people like crazy, put out feelers all over, and all I got in return was silence. There was one district that I really wanted to work for, but they only had part-time openings. I was starting to feel like I was never going to find a job. As I was searching I finally found a full-time elementary sped position, and I applied for it. Later as I looked over the job again I realized that it wasn't what I was looking for, but when the call came for the interview I went. It was a great interview, they said they would let me know within the week, and I waited to hear back. And then I waited some more. A little over two weeks had passed by and still no news. Finally I got a call from the woman on the district level who had been at the interview. She told me that they still hadn't made a decision for that job, but asked if I would be willing to be added to the candidate pool for the district. I said yes, and the very next day I got a call. It was from a middle school looking for a sped math teacher. For those of you who don't know, I don't do math. I turned down the opportunity to interview with them and worried that I was shooting down my chances to find a job.
A few days later I got a call from another middle school. Middle school was not on my horizon of places to end up, but I couldn't come up with a reason to decline this interview. It wasn't for a math position, so I figured going to the interview would at least be good practice. It turned out to be the worst interview of my life. I have no experience at all with middle school special education, or secondary sped for that matter, so there were many questions that they asked that I did not know the answer to. Luckily I'm pretty good at BS, so I was able to come up with a few answers, but I did say "I don't know the answer to that," more than once. I left the interview in tears. As I was driving home I realized the answer to one thing for sure-I was NOT getting that job!
So imagine my surprise when a couple of days later they called to offer me the job. I was tempted to ask if we had all attended the same interview! I asked for some time to think about it, then proceeded to have a panic attack/emotional breakdown. Middle school was
not where I wanted to end up. I was meant to be an elementary school teacher-that's all I knew! The interview had been awful, and I felt like maybe I was the least awful candidate so that's why they called. I talked to my good friend Vivian who encouraged me and told me that I could do this. She repeated the oft quoted line from out program, "you can do anything for a year." I talked to my Mom and sister who both thought this was a great opportunity and thought that I should've said "yes" before getting off the phone. Then I talked to my Dad. I cried and told him all of my above concerns. Then he did what all good dads do, he said "Cowgirl up." He then talked to me about how this wasn't all just about me. God has a purpose and a plan for me, and He was handing me this opportunity. (Let it be mentioned that Mom and Jolene said this as well.) Dad said that perhaps I was exactly what those kids needed, and that was why God was working so hard to put me there. As I talked with my Dad I realized what my answer would be. I had told the school that I would call them by noon the next day, but I ended up calling them back within two hours. I accepted the position and stepped through the door into the perfect setting that God had planned for me.
I love my job! Each day I get to go to work and teach the most amazing set of students. Each of them has touched my heart in ways that I cannot even begin to describe. I truly feel like they are my "kids." I don't know if I am exactly what they needed, but they are exactly what I needed. I have learned and grown so much since I started down this road with them.
One of the things that I am thankful for is the confidence that I have gained as a professional in my field. I started out pretty timid, but I am quickly letting that go as I work to do the things that I need to do to be the best teacher that I can be for my students. I am standing up and fighting for the things my kids need, and it is so empowering! I am becoming more comfortable interacting with the administration, and it is so nice to not feel like your heart is going to jump out of your throat each time you talk to your principal. In fact, today I was able to confidently approach him and invite him into my room to complete an interview for my observation. No panic! I have gained so much confidence in working with the general ed teachers in my building, and I can explain to them what my students need. I have gained confidence in conducting an IEP. Heaven knows I had plenty of experience during my student teaching, but that was with Patti by my side, filling in any holes that I missed. Now it's just me, and it's okay. Yesterday I had an IEP where a parent was asking a lot of good, valid, and complicated questions. I was able to competently answer his questions, and he left feeling like he knew better how to help his student. I was able to use my knowledge and skills to do that!
I am thankful for all of the people that I have met along the way. I am getting to know more and more teachers, which I really enjoy. Today in particular I am thankful for one person: Bear. He is pretty amazing. It's crazy how a psychologist can get you to open up without even realizing it! He is so good with the students, and also with the adults. Because of him I found the confidence within myself to talk to other teachers. He helped me to remember why I took the job when I was feeling overwhelmed, which helped me to pull out of that rut. And Bear reminds me to laugh. Today I talked with him about a situation that I had yesterday with an unmedicated student. I was seriously ready to pull my hair out! I realized that the kid really couldn't help himself, but that didn't take away my frustration. As I described to Bear how hard I had tried to get the kid to do even one math problem, and that later the kid had managed to crash land out of a chair, with the chair landing on top of him, Bear just laughed. He said "Isn't it funny today? You've just gotta laugh at some of these things." It is funny today, and it was funny yesterday, but I still hope that we don't have this situation again. I like having hair!
I realize that this post is forever long, but it needed to be to sum up what I am thankful for. I love my chickadees (they all yell at me when I call them that)/minions (and yes, the do vary from yellow to purple, but no, jelly doesn't work on them...) more than I could have realized four months ago. I love having the opportunity to practice and use the skills that I have worked so hard to acquire over the past few years. Most of all, I love doing what I am passionate about everyday. I know that God had to work pretty hard to open this door for me, and I am so glad that He did. My life has been blessed in ways that I could have never imagined. I truly live a beautiful life!
