Becoming a "Grownup"

A few weeks ago I took a huge step towards becoming a full-fledged, card carrying, test passing teacher: I took the Praxis. For those of you not familiar with the teaching world, the Praxis is basically a competency test in which you are tested on your knowledge in your field of studies and targeted area. Naturally, I took the Middle School English language Arts Praxis. Because I'm totally going into teaching Middle School Language Arts! Not. I am going to be a Special Education teacher. So why the MSELA Praxis? Great question! I haven't gotten a clear answer on that as of yet, but the best I can understand is that in order to have my own classroom someday I need to be highly qualified. In order to be highly qualified I need to take (and pass) one of two Praxis tests; either the Middle School Language Arts, or Secondary Math. Math and I don't mix, so I opted for the Language Arts.
As I was driving to Salt Lake City to take my test I started to panic, but my panic had nothing to do with my lack of test preparation or test anxiety. This was more like the panic I had when I turned 17: I was insanely worried about turning 20, which was only three years away. This really caused me a great deal of concern for most of the year I was 17. The anxiety I had on this test day went something like this: I am taking the Praxis. Teachers take the Praxis. You have to take the Praxis before you student teach-I student teach one year from now. Six months after student teaching comes getting a position as a teacher in a school. By myself. As a real teacher. I am nearly a teacher. I am going to be in charge of the education for struggling learners in less than two years. I'm not ready. I don't know enough! Why are they letting me be a teacher?!
At this point my heart was racing about as fast as my thoughts, my palms were sweaty, and I was ready to turn the car around and go home. Then I took a breath and reminded myself that I was only taking the Praxis that day, and that there was still plenty of time for me to learn the things that I need to in order to become a good teacher. This was only a step!
After that I became more excited than nervous about my future. Yes, it is scary to think that within the next two years I will be a full-fledged, card-carrying teacher with my own classroom and students, but by the time that comes I will be ready. There are also some fun things that will accompany this big advance in my life, including moving out and being on my own. I look forward to living in my apartment or cute townhouse with one of my friends, doing the young and single thing, teaching by day and partying by night...it's going to be great!
Growing up is a scary part of life, and I thought that by 25 I would be there and be ready. Even though I am still working on growing up, life is good! Things happen as they need to, and I am getting the preparation that I need to become great in everything that I do. Becoming a "Grownup" isn't as scary as I once thought it was.

Next Chapter

"Our life is our own story that we are writing every day." I came up with that one on my own, and I really like it, and it speaks a truth. We are constantly writing the story of our lives in everything that we do. Like any novel,we have new story lines, new characters who come and go, regular characters who come and go, and we even have new chapters. Those new chapters are what I want to talk about today.
One great chapter from my book of life took place from July 31, 2008-February 22, 2010. I like to call this chapter "The Grand Adventure" or "Southern Exposure." I was called to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in the Alabama Birmingham Mission. Cliche or not, it was the best 18 months of my life! I won't go into all the details, because we would all be here for years as I retold all of my adventures, mishaps, joys, sorrows, and growth. Instead, I will summarize. My mission is where I came to know who I am, what I am capable of, and who I want to be. It was as easy as people say it is. It was harder than people say it is. I felt the Spirit more than I had ever felt before. I cried more than I had ever cried before. I laughed more than I had ever laughed before. I loved more than I ever had before. It was amazing. But like all chapters in a book, this one came to a close all too soon. My mission in the South ended, and it was time to go home.
I remember driving to the airport the morning that we (my parents came to pick me up) flew out, and as soon as I saw the airport my heart seemed to stop, I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't see for the tears that had suddenly pooled in my eyes. It was real. The chapter was closing, and the airport was the final scene. Leaving Utah for my mission was hard, but I have to admit that leaving Alabama for Utah was the hardest thing that I have ever done. To ad-lib the popular song, "I left my heart in Alabama."
The nice thing about a chapter ending is that a new one begins. My new chapter began when I landed in Utah and saw the rest of my family for the first time in 18 months. It was great to hug them and feel them, to love them in person. I also had two new members of my family to meet; my 3-month old nephew, Sam, and my brother's girlfriend (now wife!) Felicia. It was a great homecoming. My brother had even made a sign that he draped across the front of our house that said "Sweet home Grantsville, Utah." With a new chapter came new challenges, but I made it through that first chapter of being home.
I have now officially been home for two years today, and I have experienced a few chapter beginnings and endings. It hasn't always been easy, but it has been great. I was reflecting on the past two years today, and I came to the realization that I have accomplished so much in these two years. I started school again, and I am one year away from graduation and becoming a teacher. I have experienced the joy of watching my brother and his sweetheart sealed in the Salt Lake Temple, as well as the excitement and anticipation of the birth of my new nephew, Mark. I have spent so much good time with my family and friends, and have even made new friends! These new chapters really have been so good to me!
My opening sentence came from a text conversation that I had with a friend, and I would like to end with another part of that message. "It's all about the heart that we put into writing our story." Sometimes life is hard and boring, but if we put some effort into writing even those parts of our stories they can become just as meaningful as the more preferred parts of our stories. As I realized that I had been home for two years today I became a bit panicked, but thinking about my recently written chapters has helped me to realize the value of what I have done, and what I am continuing to do. I look forward to the coming chapters and the characters that I hope they produce, and let's admit it, the romance, but I'm not going to worry about those parts right now. Right now it's one page at a time, one adventure at a time.

Thievery

I've discovered lately that my sister is a thief. A bolg thief that is! I was reading through her blog and saw some posts that sounded strangely familiar...and realized that they were mine! Haha she gave me full credit, and it felt good to know that she liked what I wrote enough to share with her fellow bloggers. I look up to my sister in so many ways, so tonight I'm taking a page from her book (literally)! The things that she says in here are the sweetest things I could ever hear!

I have something to say about my sister...

I've stolen quite a few posts from my sister's blog, and now I have something I want to say about my sister.

Let's begin at the very beginning, a very good place to start (name that movie, Amanda!)...We begin before Amanda was ever born. I was an only child, spoiled rotten, with a really good life, but what I wanted more than anything was a little sister. I spent nine years of my life praying and begging Heavenly Father for a baby sister. In 1986, God finally answered my prayers. Amanda was almost a Christmas present (that was her due date), but I spent quite a few prayers begging Heavenly Father not to send her on Christmas (it would have really messed up my Christmas, after all!). Instead, my little sister arrived on New Year's Eve.

I wish I could say that I loved her perfectly from day one. I did love her from the start, just not perfectly. It was a difficult adjustment for me to learn to be a good big sister and share some of the lime light. And really, who can compete with an adorable baby? There may or may not have been some tantrums on my side of things. But I was fiercely protective of her. One of my best friends from high school remembers how I wouldn't let anyone hold her but me. I'm still fiercely protective of her. No one hurts my little sister! I had promised my grandpa, before Amanda was born, that I would never, ever fight with my little sister. I think I was able to keep my promise until she started talking. My grandpa loved to tease me about that all the time.

Growing up, we weren't very close. It was a huge age gap at the time. She liked to write her name with marker on everything I owned (books, homework, doll's foreheads...basically, anything that I valued had 'Amanda' with big, backwards A's written on it). I liked to torment her in any way that I could. For example, (what you are about to read is a huge confession) one time my best friend and I put catsup all over ourselves and got out a big butcher knife and convinced my little sister and brother that a killer had broken into the house and was still in the house trying to kill all of us. I made them hide in their bedroom while we sat and watched a movie, just so I wouldn't have to deal with them for a couple of hours. I'm ashamed, and slightly proud of the creativity, of my big sister tormenting.

Luckily, after my mission, when I had matured quite a bit, we found our sisterhood. What a blessing! People used to always tell me, "Just you wait. One day your sister will be your best friend." I never believed them, but they were right. She is my best friend. She is my confidante, my partner in crime, my shoulder to cry on, and my friend to laugh with. We have so many inside jokes, so many memories that we love to reminisce about together. I don't think I've ever admitted to her how hard it was when she went on her mission. I missed her so much. I didn't want to tell her how much I was missing her and make her homesick, so I would just tell her how proud I was of her (which I was very proud). What I tried not to tell her was how heart broken I felt every time I went to call her and tell her something and couldn't. It was a rough 18 months!

And now, with the boys, she's not just my best friend--she's theirs. She truly is Super Nanny. Take, for example, this past weekend. It was her birthday. What did she do for her birthday? She and my mom took care of my boys because I was sick. I think it was well after 1 p.m. and after a long morning and afternoon of wrestling Sam, that she announced, "I am now going to take a shower, if that's alright, because it's my birthday!"

She is always willing to drop everything at the drop of a hat to come and help me. Amanda has this huge heart and is always sacrificing and serving others. She is such an example to me of the Savior's love. And my boys love their Nanny. She has such a special, sweet relationship with both of the boys. I know that they will always be friends, even when the boys are grown-up. I can see Sam taking his kids some day to go visit Nanny on a regular basis.

The thing I love the most is that Amanda loves my boys as much as I love my boys. It melts my heart every time I see how much love she has for them. And my boys know it. They know that their Nanny Manda loves them with all of her heart (and that she loves to spoil them rotten!). I told her the other day that I kind of don't want her to get married and have kids of her own because then she'll love her kids more than mine! I was joking...I think. But I am amazed by her.

I guess when I prayed for a little sister all those years ago, I really had no idea what I was going to get. When God blesses us in answer to our prayers, He doesn't give us what we want--He gives us something far better. For me, that was Amanda.

You know, Amanda, I am having a good time.